pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
