He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
