you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
