I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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