sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
