First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
