did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
