So drunk its hurt
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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