so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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