I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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