if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You smell like stripper and shame
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
