Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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