Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
