Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
why is half of my head shaved?
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