remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
