I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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