So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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