if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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