I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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