No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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