OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
