Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
