Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
