Define "chronic" masturbator.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
