Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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