wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
