Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
