o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
