Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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