she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dicks are not precious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want a musical about memes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
