so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
