I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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