He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
