we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
