it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yo dont text me then not text me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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