ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
