a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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