On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
