You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The adults are the big ones right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
