I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
