Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
