By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
