My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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