then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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