Whatcha textin bout Willis?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
