ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
