I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
