i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
