5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
