i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
