So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
