Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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