I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
